The fact that our views on aging change throughout our lives is not what makes it unique. (Our views on almost everything we think about will change throughout our lives as we continue to gain more and more perspective and experience to draw on.)
It’s the inescapable nature of the subject that makes it worth looking at and finding humor in. Whether you’re the president of the United States or flipping burgers at White Castle, you have an age, and that number means something to you and the people around you.
Aging is an experience we all share, and that alone makes it noteworthy…
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.
You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. “How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16!
And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 . . .. and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; “I Was JUST 92.”
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
I.C.E – In Case of Emergency.
New international mobile phone address book entry.
Now you can help the emergency services locate your next of kin ones should you be involved in an accident.
Bob Brotchie, a clinical team leader for the East Anglian Ambulance Service in the
She says, "Doc, I just got back from a few weeks in the
“Whenever a good looking guy came by, I would get this strange tingling sensation between my toes."
The doctor thought this was kind of unusual and examined her.
He asked her if she had this sensation between all of her toes.
She replied, "Actually no, just between my 2 big toes."
The map her friend had drawn indicated that the client, a country vet she was to see, lived in the second farm past Yin road.
Try as she might, the vet could not find a
Exasperated, she finally stopped to ask directions.
She stopped and asked at the next farm.
"I ain't never heard of no Yin Road." said the farmer. "But ya might try askin' old man McGillicuddy, he's lived 'round here for better 'n 70 years."
"Thanks," replied the vet. "Where can I find him?"
"He lives on the second farm past the Y in the road."
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
A teacher asks her class to use the word ‘contagious’ in a sentence.
Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
"Our next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious."
Did Mark Twain have the internet?
In an 1898 short story called "From the London Times" written in 1904, he describes an invention called the "telelectroscope," a gadget hooked up to the phone system: "The improved 'limitless-distance' telephone was presently introduced, and the daily doings of the globe made visible to everybody, and audibly discussable too, by witnesses separated by any number of leagues."
The story itself is about the unjust conviction of an American army officer for the murder of Szczepanik, the inventor of the telelectroscope.
On death row, the officer is allowed to use the invention.
The narrator, who appears to be Mark Twain himself, is a friend who spends time with the doomed officer as he surfs around the world:
"...day by day, and night by night, he called up one corner of the globe after another, and looked upon its life, and studied its strange sights, and spoke with its people, and realized that by grace of this marvellous instrument he was almost as free as the birds of the air, although a prisoner under locks and bars.
