Ibagaza in Mallorca return

Wednesday Aug 30 2006 09:06

Real Mallorca have re-signed Argentinian midfielder Ariel Ibagaza from Atletico Madrid.

The 29-year-old spent five years at Estadio Son Moix before moving to Atletico in 2003 and helped the islanders to win the Copa del Rey in his final season at the club.

Ibagaza was a regular for much of his time in the capital and only signed a new two-year contract in March.

However, Atletico coach Javier Aguirre's summer spending spree saw Ibagaza drop out of the first-team plans and persuaded him to accept the offer of a 12-month deal with his former club.

Sleaze and the sorry saga of the dome

Daily Mail Comment
29th August 2006

The rotten stench surrounding the future of the wretched Millennium Dome grows worse every day.

At the weekend, photographs were published showing work already well advanced on building a supercasino at the site, owned by John Prescott's generous American host, the billionaire Philip Anschutz.

So confident is he of winning a licence for his casino - the size of two football pitches - that he has already spent many millions on construction, right down to the electrics and tiling.

With breathtaking presumption, his AEG company has even distributed plans among steelworkers on the site, headed: 'Casino Roof'.

Yet there are still months to go before a decision on which of the seven bidders - from Glasgow to Greenwich - will win the supercasino licence. Public hearings don't even begin until tomorrow.

Isn't it highly unsettling when a hardheaded businessman is prepared to stake such a massive bet on a seven-horse race - particularly when he is on such matey terms with the Deputy Prime Minister that he gives him a cowboy outfit and hospitality at his Colorado ranch?

To make matters worse, the chairman of the group set up to advise the Government now says Mr Anschutz's company is leading the field.

And why? Because building work has already started at the Dome, says Professor Stephen Crow, chairman of the Casino Advisory Panel. 'It's something we have to take into account.'

What an outrageous statement. Would Prof Crow award a gold medal to an athlete who set off on the marathon an hour before the starting gun?

No wonder Mr Anschutz's competitors are crying 'fix!' Before it has even begun, the entire public consultation process is looking like a cynical sham.

But even that is not the end of it. Today we learn AEG has been forced to apologise to the Reverend Malcolm Torry, of the Greenwich Peninsular Chaplaincy, for concocting a document under his address, favourable in tone to the casino project - and then forwarding it to the Culture Department as if it had been written by the chaplain himself.

'Much of the document has been simply made up,' says Mr Torry, accusing AEG of a 'serious breach of trust'.

What a great deal the sorry saga of the Dome tells us about this Government's descent into moral bankruptcy: developed as a grandiose celebration of New Labour's 'Cool Britannia'; then piously justified as a project to regenerate a run-down area; now the focus of a squalid scramble to bring big-time gambling to the vulnerable.

Instead of giving Mr Anschutz a head start in the race, isn't there a growing case for disqualifying him altogether - whether or not he happens to be a friend of the preposterous Prezza?

Pat for the postman

Postman roger Annies thought he was doing a public service by telling residents on his round how to avoid receiving unaddressed junk mail. He was right.

Isn't unsolicited advertising material one of the major irritants of modern life?

But his bosses at the Royal Mail - which makes a fortune from unwanted post - don't see it like that.

When Mr Annies distributed his own leaflets, explaining how his customers could opt out of the mailshots, he was promptly suspended.

Now, after ten years as a postman, he is facing the sack.

But Mr Annies can already claim the last laugh on his heavy-handed bosses. His inexcusable suspension has drawn nationwide attention to the fact that any of us can sign up to the opt-out scheme.

Apply to the Post Office for details

A 'green licence' to invade our privacy

- and our pockets

Daily Mail Comment 27th August 2006

Were it not so pernicious and intrusive, the tale of eco-bugging in suburbia would be the stuff of comedy. Instead, it is yet more worrying evidence of the nosy nanny state Britain is fast becoming.

Half a million electronic spy 'bugs' have secretly been planted in British dustbins. Not, as may have been hoped, to record the activities of the feral thugs who roam streets with little fear of police intervention. Nor to track burglars, whom householders tackle at the peril of finding themselves before a court.

No, this is to penalise law-abiding householders who fall foul of the army of Green Gauleiters making our lives a misery in the name of the environment.

No one objects to recycling waste. We enthusiastically make use of bottle banks and paper collections. But that is not enough for our rulers. Now a chip hidden in a wheelie bin alerts a computer as it is lifted into the refuse truck. Any householder deemed to have put out too much unrecycled waste will be penalised.

Our governing class delights in trampling on personal privacies. Councils have already handed over entire databases of personal information to commercial contractors who, using the bugging technology, identify the 'guilty'.

Inevitably, this madness stems from an EU directive and the enthusiasm of our own Ministers for branding decent folk eco-criminals and allowing local authorities to issue them with fines.

Not content with demanding higher than ever council taxes, which surely should cover refuse collection, they will impose a further demand on the insulting pretext that one has done something morally outrageous.

You can be sure these fines will not go towards better street lighting or, Heaven forfend, a reduction in local taxes.

Instead, expect yet more layers of bureaucratic nosy parkers who, under the banner of madcap green-friendly schemes, will skulk further into our private lives and deeper into our pockets.

Definitely not cricket

It was once accepted that the rules of the game must be observed, however great a perceived injustice. In the case of cricket, those rules include one that states the umpire's decision is final.

Of course, on occasion, the umpire's ruling may be slightly rash. Certainly, the decision of Darrell Hair to accuse Pakistan players of ball-tampering and to fine Pakistan five runs has caused a furore.

Nevertheless, Mr Hair does not warrant the treatment he has received from the International Cricket Council. In a deeply unsavoury display of low politicking and self-interest, it has effectively hung him out to dry.

Mr Hair, sensing he would be the fall guy and lose his cricketing livelihood, sent his employers a confidential letter asking for compensation. But ICC officials disclosed details of his request for £260,000 - conveniently painting him as avaricious and of questionable judgment.

But don't be fooled. This is the behaviour of a body whose concern for fair play is subsumed by fear that it will lose control of the sport and its personal trappings.

In ignoring, and then undermining, the primacy of the umpire it has behaved in a way that is far more disgraceful than any misjudgment over ball-tampering.

Another crushing blow from Blighty

Daily Mail Comment 28th August

Yet again, British soldiers risking their lives daily in their country's service face the threat of action of a different sort.

On the day our 21st soldier died in Afghanistan, it emerges that military police have launched six shooting inquiries into suspected breaches of the Government's strict rules of engagement in the conflict.

They may lead to charges of murder or manslaughter.

Of course soldiers should be punished if they disgrace their uniforms.

But has this Government of lawyers any idea of the appalling conditions British troops are suffering in Afghanistan?

Has it the slightest notion what it is like for frightened and exhausted young squaddies, faced with instantaneous life-or-death decisions in the heat of battle?

Tony Blair has made massive demands of the services since 1997, stretching their resources to the limit and beyond.

Yet he and his Ministers have done more to encourage legal action against British servicemen than any Government before.

Why? Surely it's just so that they can parade their own smug consciences before the world.

But what precisely do they have to be smug about?

In Iraq, they threw us into an unnecessary and probably illegal war, with their dodgy dossiers and lies about weapons of mass destruction.

In Afghanistan, they have saddled our troops with an ill-defined job, while denying them the resources to do it.

These latest legal threats are yet another morale-sapping blow from Blighty.

Is the Government fully on our troops' side?

Another crushing blow from Blighty

Yet again, British soldiers risking their lives daily in their country's service face the threat of action of a different sort.

On the day our 21st soldier died in Afghanistan, it emerges that military police have launched six shooting inquiries into suspected breaches of the Government's strict rules of engagement in the conflict.

They may lead to charges of murder or manslaughter.

Of course soldiers should be punished if they disgrace their uniforms.

But has this Government of lawyers any idea of the appalling conditions British troops are suffering in Afghanistan?

Has it the slightest notion what it is like for frightened and exhausted young squaddies, faced with instantaneous life-or-death decisions in the heat of battle?

Tony Blair has made massive demands of the services since 1997, stretching their resources to the limit and beyond.

Yet he and his Ministers have done more to encourage legal action against British servicemen than any Government before.

Why? Surely it's just so that they can parade their own smug consciences before the world.

But what precisely do they have to be smug about?

In Iraq, they threw us into an unnecessary and probably illegal war, with their dodgy dossiers and lies about weapons of mass destruction.

In Afghanistan, they have saddled our troops with an ill-defined job, while denying them the resources to do it.

These latest legal threats are yet another morale-sapping blow from Blighty.

Is the Government fully on our troops' side?

Who really believes standards are rising?

Who really believes standards are rising?

Daily Mail Comment
25th August 2006

As predictable as Stalin's annual boasts of record grain harvests in his famine-stricken Soviet Union comes another record-breaking set of GCSE results.

Now let us say one thing loud and clear: thousands of bright teenagers studied hard for their exams this year, and richly deserve the top grades they scored. The Mail congratulates them heartily.

Many would have scored top grades 30 years ago and nothing is more irritating for them than to be told by cynical adults: 'Ah, yes, but exams are so much easier now than they were then.'

But is there really anyone left who seriously believes standards have been rising relentlessly under this Government?

Or that all 19 per cent who achieved As and A*s yesterday would have performed equally well in the days before 'modules' and subjects such as media studies? Or that fewer than two per cent of candidates deserved to be marked as failures?

Employers don't believe it. They complain they have to give remedial lessons in the most basic English and maths to school-leavers - even to some who have strings of good GCSE grades.

Only yesterday, it emerged that no fewer than four in 10 primary school leavers are failing to master the three Rs.

Now that is a national scandal. And how convenient that these figures were released on a day when attention was focused on the GCSE 'triumph'.

Yet Ministers go on mouthing their lies about ever-rising standards. Meanwhile, they drop the requirement that pupils should study modern languages - not because there is no longer any need for them in this multilingual world, mind, but because such tough subjects make it difficult to massage the statistics.

New Labour, elected on a promise that education would be its top three priorities, has betrayed an entire generation. It has betrayed high achievers, by failing to stretch them or allow them to show their true worth. It has betrayed slow learners, by failing to equip them with the basic skills they need to get by in life.

And hasn't it also betrayed our country, by failing to produce the educated workforce on which our future depends?

Daily Mail...Readers reaction...

Here's what readers have had to say so far.

Here we go, the annual 'things were better in my day' festival. What is wrong with this country where we can't acknowledge the results these kids get.
I often read on these pages how kids are disinterested, anti social - and do you blame them? Even when they put the effort in, stay at school, study hard and get the results they are swamped with accusations that it was easy and their results are worthless. They are damned if they do and damned if they don't.
Like all education systems ours can be improved but we can at least congratulate and encourage these students of today who make the effort.

- Graeme, Edinburgh

The main problem facing would-be employers of these school leavers is, how on earth do you differentiate between them if they ALL get top marks. Surely the purpose of exams is to discriminate between those that can, those that might and those that haven't a cat in hell's chance. Oh dear, discriminate? That's not allowed, is it?

- Mike Randall, Worcester, England

No one has to be brain of Britain to know why more young people scored higher exam results 30 years ago. It is not all down to the quality of teaching staff.

- Margaret, Birmingham

Apple recalls fire-fear batteries

Brendan Montague, Daily Mail
25 August 2006

APPLE recalled almost two million laptop computer batteries last night, warning they could be a fire hazard.

The move leaves thousands of owners in the UK able to use their machines only on a mains power supply. The recall of 1.8m batteries comes after at least nine overheated - leaving two users with burns and causing some 'damage to property'.

Earlier this month Dell withdrew more than four million laptop batteries - from the same supplier, Sony - after at least six burst into flames. The move, ordered by the US Consumer Product Safety Commission, was the biggest-ever electronics recall.

The new Apple alert covers lithium ion batteries in the 12-inch iBook G4, 12- inch PowerBook G4 and 15- inch PowerBook G4 laptops sold after October 2003.

Apple estimates this involves 1.1m machines in the US and another 700,000 worldwide. Tens of thousands will have been sold in the UK, which is one of the California-based company's biggest markets.

People in Britain who bought a laptop abroad may also be affected. Anyone who owns one of the three listed products should check the serial number on their battery against the recall list on the Apple website - www. apple.com/support.

The list of batteries which are affected can also be found at www.cpsc.gov/CPSCPUB/PREREL/ prhtml06/06245.html.

If your battery is one of those affected, you should remove it and run the laptop on mains supply. You then need to contact Apple, who will supply a replacement battery free of charge.

The company last night released a statement which said: 'We discovered that some Sony batteries in previous models of PowerPC based iBooks and PowerBooks do not meet Apple's standards for safety and performance'

Hell Hath No Wrath...

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimps, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit...

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out, and eventually, even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house.
She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...But only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home... including the curtain rods...

...Like A Woman Scorned!

UK: How long to clear backlog

of failed asylum seekers?

113 years

Daily Mail Comment

It will take more than a century to clear the backlog of failed asylum seekers, latest figures reveal. The past 12 months have seen 3,500 more deportations than new cases.

But, with an estimated 400,000 rejected asylum seekers still living here illegally, it would take another 113 years to clear the backlog.

John Reid astonished MPs last month by promising to complete the deportations 'within five years and hopefully sooner'.

The Home Secretary soon backtracked and claimed he was referring only to failed asylum seekers 'who can be found' by immigration officers.

Tony Blair's target of having more deportations than new cases has led to major distortions in Home Office operations. The department's 1,100 enforcement staff now have to concentrate almost exclusively on sending home failed asylum seekers.

Work neglected as a result includes the deportation of foreign prisoners, a policy area that cost Charles Clarke his job as home secretary.

The Mail reported last week that immigration officers routinely ignore tip-offs from

employers warning of illegal immigrants applying for jobs with forged papers.

The officers say they lack the manpower to investigate the calls while also searching for failed asylum seekers.

In the three months to June this year 5,070 illegals were removed from the UK, up slightly on the previous three months. Around 40 per cent of those went home voluntarily, taking advantage of £3,000 bribes

and free flights. Forced deportations cost £11,000.

In the same three-month period, 4,185 asylum seekers lodged claims that are expected to be dismissed. This cut the backlog by only 295 a month - around 3,500 a year.

Damian Green, Tory immigration spokesman, said: 'At this rate it would take over a century to clear the backlog thus undermining John Reid's claim to resolve

this problem within five years. In any case, this was an artificial target designed to grab headlines rather than address the problem, which has resulted in the Government taking its eye off the ball in several other important areas.'

Last month, the Home Office dramatically increased its estimate of the number of illegals living in Britain.

A trawl through old files uncovered an astonishing 200,000 forgotten cases - taking the total to 400,000 or more.

At the current rate, the last of these would be deported some time in the year 2119. Officials accept, however, that many will probably never be tracked down or sent home.

The overall number of asylum applications continued to fall in the three months to June. Cases were down 12 per cent on last year, with 6,380 would-be refugees arriving in the UK. The chief countries of origin were Afghanistan, China and Eritrea.

Eight out of ten asylum seekers are refused permission to stay in the UK. Almost all go on to lodge appeals, around a quarter of which are successful. Around 55,000 asylum seekers receive state benefits.

Home Office minister Tony McNulty yesterday hailed the latest figures, claiming they gave 'many reasons to be optimistic that we can restore public confidence in our immigration system'. (Is he real?...Mike)

Have a giggle...

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7." (124.7 would be the radio frequency for Departure Control).

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... By the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff. Roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
*****

awww...
One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas."

Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time."

Well, about 2 days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.

The boy said, "Last night I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, "And I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"

A bum deal?

Uh, what kind of gods are these again?

Mon Aug 21,

KATHMANDU (Reuters) - Dozens of Nepali women stripped naked and plowed their fields in west Nepal, hoping to appease the gods and get some much needed rain, a newspaper report said Sunday.

About 50 women in two villages in Kapilvastu district, 120 miles west of Kathmandu, resorted to the desperate move at night Friday as days of prayers and Hindu ceremonies failed to bring rains for the parched paddy crop, it said.

"This is our last weapon, we used it, and there was light rainfall," Nepali daily Rajdhani quoted one of the women as saying.

Although there is no clear religious basis for the practice, some locals believe such a move could appease the rain gods.

Officials said there was insufficient rain during the June-September monsoon season this year and vast stretches of land along the southern plains, Nepal's bread basket, were parched.

At the Kabbalah Centre, based in LA, supporters are said to regularly chant "Chernobyl" and the names of other nuclear plants in an effort to heal the problem of nuclear waste

Madonna's nuclear powers

9.30, Mon Aug 21 2006

Madonna has been lobbying the Government about a "mystical" Kabbalah fluid which she believes can be used to clean up radioactive waste.

The superstar is a follower of the Jewish spiritual movement and the fluid, taken from a Russian lake, is said to be able to receive magic healing powers through "meditations and the consciousness of sharing".

At the Kabbalah Centre, based in Los Angeles, supporters are said to regularly chant "Chernobyl" and the names of other nuclear plants in an effort to heal the problem of nuclear waste.

Madge is understood to have approached Downing Street, the Department of Trade and Industry (DTI) and British Nuclear Fuels (BNFL) with the idea.

Her husband Guy Ritchie is said to have called BNFL and written a series of letters accompanied by scientific papers.

BNFL looked into the theory but could find no scientific basis for the claims. One senior executive is reported to have said the scheme defies the laws of physics.

Madonna claims the water has proved successful in neutralising dangerous nuclear waste in Russia.

Source ITV

Frozen mice 'have healthy pups'
BBC London

Some of the mice were fathered by adults that died 15 years ago

Mice kept in the deep freeze for 15 years have fathered healthy offspring, say scientists in Japan and Hawaii.

One in five female mice undergoing IVF with sperm extracted from the dead mice had healthy, fertile pups.

It offers hope to those trying to bring extinct animals back from the dead, they report in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

One idea would be to inject frozen mammoth sperm recovered from the ice into the eggs of female elephants.

The researchers wrote: "If spermatozoa of extinct mammalian species (eg woolly mammoths) can be retrieved from animal bodies that were kept frozen for millions of years in permanent frost, live animals might be restored by injecting them into oocytes from females of closely related species."

Ice Age

The team, led by Atsuo Ogura of the Institute of Physical and Chemical Research Bioresource Center in Tsukuba, Japan, harvested sperm from intact testes and, in some cases, the entire mouse, of specimens stored at -20C for up to 15 years.

They did not use hi-tech cryo-protection techniques, simply storing whole testes or bodies in a freezer.

The sperm appeared lifeless when thawed out but researchers were surprised to find that they produced viable offspring.

However, the chances of being able to recreate a woolly mammoth - or at least, an elephant with a woolly mammoth father, are thought to be slim.

Any mammoth recovered from the permafrost would have spent more than 10,000 years in a frozen state.

It would also have been frozen relatively slowly, making it liable to damage from bacteria and other micro-organisms.

Have a good one...

Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dads for the night.
In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says, "No." Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "OK! What do you think?
He says, "Well, last night Fred came in for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

Have a blonde moment!

There's this blonde out for a walk.
She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side."

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER!"
"NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science &Nature."
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No" for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."

American welfare reform hailed 'remarkable success'

Daily Mail
17:54pm 21st August 2006

America's biggest welfare reform programme was yesterday hailed as a "remarkable success" ten years after it was launched.

Bill Clinton, pictured with wife Hillary, signed a the welfare reform bill a decade ago.

When former President Bill Clinton signed a bill 'that would end welfare as we know it,' liberal critics claimed it would cause homelessness and starvation.

It put a time limit on welfare payments, forced single mother out to work and rammed home a conservative policy that welfare was not a life time entitlement.

Ten years on it was being hailed yesterday as a remarkable success. The number of people on welfare has plunged 60 per cent and the employment of single mothers has soared 70 per cent.

Grants from the federal government to the states for welfare have been cut in real terms by 30 per cent since 1996.

The architect of the reform Congressman E.Clay Shaw, a Florida Republican, said: 'We have been vindicated by the results. Welfare reform was one of the most successful policy changes in the nation's history.'

It also delighted taxpayers who saw soaring welfare costs devouring tax money and encouraging people not to work. One of the prime targets was the single mother who enjoyed free housing and increased benefits for each child conceived out of wedlock.

They were known as 'The Welfare Queens' and their offspring were linked to the rising crime rate. The fathers who deserted them, also became thesubject of a nationwide hunt.

Some states refused to renew driving licences until they paid court ordered maintenance. Child support payments have now doubled.

One of the most surprising results came from the disputed five-year life time limit on assistance. Opponents said it would cause immense hardship. In fact welfare recipients came nowhere near the limit.

Professor Geoffrey Grogger, an economist at the University of Chicago, said that people were aware of the deadline and got off welfare after a couple of years so 'they could save benefits for a rainy day.'

He observed: 'The 1996 law was more successful in promoting working and reducing the rolls than anyone imagined.'

While it neutralised welfare as a political issue, it also removed much of the stigma of welfare. The recipients who have to undergo job training or take educational classes are being seen as in a temporary state.

'Welfare mothers are seen in a more favourable light now that most of them are required to work. Welfare has become more supportable and acceptable....The new law sent a very strong message:'We can help you, if you help yourself,' said Professor Richard Nathan, director of the Nelson Rockefeller Institute of Government.

Mr Clinton who vetoed two earlier versions of the bill as 'too harsh', has now concluded: 'The bill has done far more good than harm. Most of the people who got jobs are still working.'

Analysts say that welfare payouts usually meant a monthly cheque that could be converted to cash. Now more than half goes into childcare, retraining, education and other services aimed at clearing the hurdles towards employment.

Welare reforms have not been perfect. At the bottom of the scale some single mothers can't hold jobs or can't earn more.

Mr Clinton said: 'The problems of the working poor who came off welfare are mainly the problems that all low wage earners have in America. They are not unique to people who came off welfare.'

UK Taxes - Wanna go Dutch?

The Stones pay just 1.6% tax

Katie Hind, Daily Mail
2nd August

Documents published in Holland show that Sir Mick Jagger, Charlie Watts and Keith Richards used offshore trusts and companies to ensure tax breaks.

Of the fortune they have accumulated since 1986 for royalties, they have paid just £3.9m in taxes.

The revelation emerged after the three set up a will to ensure that their beneficiaries do not end up squabbling over their money when they die.

The band appear to have been spurred into action after Richards had brain surgery following a fall from a coconut tree this year. Sabine Schuttgens, a lawyer who is involved in setting up the Stones' trusts, said: 'The foundations are to make sure that after the death of the rock stars, there would be no argument among their heirs.'

News of their money management emerged when 63-year-old vocalist Sir Mick, drummer Watts, 65, and 62-year-old guitarist Richards decided to hand over their estates to two foundations in Holland.

Their fortunes have been secretly invested in the country for the past 35 years. The trusts will control the rights to the Stones' music, performances, merchandise and films. Under Dutch law, certain information-must be made public – allowing details of their extraordinary tax break to emerge.

The band started banking in Holland in 1972 because, reportedly, they did not trust British finance houses.

Under Dutch law, there is no direct tax on royalties. They have been tax exiles ever since - meaning they cannot make Britain their main home. Their holding company, Promogroup, has offices in both Holland and the Caribbean, allowing them to reduce tax liabilities.

As a latecomer to the band, Ronnie Wood, 59 - who replaced Mick Taylor in 1975 - does not qualify to have his assets managed by the same group as the others. Watts is said to be worth £80m, and as main songwriters, Richards is worth £185m and Sir Mick's fortune is as much as £205m. There is no record of Bill Wyman, 69, who left the band in 1992, in the registration for the trust.

U2 were obviously so impressed by the Stones's fiscal arrangements that the Irish rock band now share the group's Dutch financial director, Jan Favie.

Daily Mail Comment

A brave challenge to the new apartheid

21st August 2006

Today, the Daily Mail publishes a remarkable insight into the impact of multiculturalism that should be compulsory reading for our politically correct ruling establishment.

The questions raised by BBC journalist George Alagiah, born in Sri Lanka and raised in Ghana until he was six, shame the politicians who for decades have insisted on celebrating 'diversity' without a thought for the consequences.

In the London borough of Tower Hamlets, for example - typical of so many other mixed communities - he finds a form of segregation between racial groups that in some ways resembles the hateful old apartheid system in South Africa.

Integration? Forget it. Many migrants don't speak English, which cuts them off from the mainstream. And though schools have language lessons for adults, the local council negates the effect by offering their children classes in Bengali.

But then, such absurdities are nothing new. For years, officialdom has been obsessed with the multicultural ethos, encouraging immigrants to celebrate their own languages, cultures and traditions at the expense of Britishness.

So pupils are taught more about Britain's imperial 'crimes' than about its unique contribution to freedom. Officials ban Christmas celebrations (to the bafflement, it must be said, of most migrants). Ministers - disgracefully - refuse to outlaw forced marriages, for fear of upsetting minority communities.

And the more the ghetto mentality is encouraged, the more ingrained it becomes. Some Muslims want new bank holidays to mark their religious festivals and even the introduction of Sharia law.

The tragedy is that all of us - including decent, moderate Muslims - are paying the price for years of timidity, incompetence and sometimes downright dishonesty on immigration and related issues. And is it really getting any better?

Yes, it may seem the Government is at last taking a grip when Trade and Industry Secretary Alistair Darling promises there will be no 'open door' for migrants from Bulgaria and Romania.

But it will take more than mere words to convince voters, when this administration has encouraged the biggest surge in immigration in our history, without consultation and without considering the impact on employment, public services and community harmony.

This Government doesn't deserve to be trusted. How telling that it takes George Alagiah - not to mention other brave, non-white Britons such as Trevor Phillips of the Commission for Racial Equality and Dr John Sentamu, Archbishop of York - to launch an open, honest debate.

Checkout the full article:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=401509&in_page_id=1770&ico=Homepage&icl=TabModule&icc=NEWS&ct=5

or if it's easier, go to...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk

There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he wanted to breed them, so he hired his neighbor's bull and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.
After a while the boy came into the living room where his father was talking with some friends. "Hey, Dad?" said the boy. "The bull just f*cked the brown cow."
The room went silent. The father excused himself and took his son outside.
"Son, you mustn't use language like that in front of company. You could say 'The bull surprised the brown cow'. Now go and watch and tell me when the bull surprises the white cow."
After a while the boy came in and said, "Hey, Dad?"
"Let me guess," said the father, "the bull surprised the white cow?"
"He sure did, Pop! He f*cked the brown cow again!"


So my dad was having "that" conversation with me when I was about 12 or 13. He said that if you masturbate you’ll go blind.
I said, "I’m over here, Dad..."


A teacher asks her class to use the word ‘contagious’ in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer. "Our next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious."


A Texan and his wife were on a trip to New York. She had just finished showering to dress for dinner and noticed that she had neglected to pack her bras. She asked her husband to go down to the dress shop in the lobby and pick up a couple of 36-C bras.
He said, "Ah'l go down raht now."
So he put on his ten gallon hat and went to the shop.
The saleslady said, "May I help you sir?"
When he told her that he wanted two 36-C bras, she asked, "Would you like two Playtex?"
He answered, "Ah'd luv ta little lady, but mah wife's a'waitin fer me up in the room."


A guy checks into a hotel in Vegas on a business trip and starts to feel a bit lonely so he decides to get a call girl. So he picks up the phone and calls the number he got from the cab driver.
"Hello?" the woman says.
"Hi, are you nasty? I want nasty. I want it hard and fast. I'm talking kink all night. You name it we'll do it. Bring equiptment, bring toys. You do me and I'll do you--all night. Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in anything. How does that sound?"
She says, "Sir? For an outside line you need to press 9."

French to reopen Diana death probe

the Daily Mail


The French legal authorities are to reinvestigate the circumstances surrounding the death of Princess Diana after fresh doubts emerged over blood tests carried out on her chauffeur.

Previous examinations of samples taken from Henri Paul have always suggested he was drunk when the Mercedes he was driving smashed into a Paris underpass - killing Diana and her lover Dodi Fayed.

But there have always been fears that the French laboratory team 'mishandled' the blood tests.

Diana was not pregnant, says mortician

This has now been partially supported by former Scotland Yard chief Lord Stevens, who has been reinvestigating the crash in advance of an inquest.

As a result, the French director of public prosecutions has authorised a judge to probe the evidence of two forensics experts who previously testified that Paul was three times over the drink drive limit.

Fresh statements will be taken from Professor Dominique Lecomte - who carried out Paul's post mortem examination - and Dr Gilbert Pepin, who tested his blood.

The idea is to establish, once and for all, how the tests were carried out and what they showed. The aim is also to iron out inconsistencies prompted by missing and sloppy paperwork.

Lord Stevens believes fears over the original blood tests are justified.

His officers think their French counterparts may have taken 'incorrect readings' from the samples - but believe the conclusions from the new tests will be broadly similar.

Mohammed Al Fayed, the father of Dodi, has repeatedly claimed that the blood samples were switched to make Paul appear drunk. However the test results have always been supported by eye-witness evidence which suggested that Paul had been drinking heavily on the August 1997 night the princess died.

It is not known if this new French move will further delay the publication of the Stevens report.

This has already been thrown into doubt after the Royal Coroner, Michael Burgess, quit the case last month - blaming a heavy workload.

A new judicial figure must now be appointed but any public hearing is not expected until 2008. French judicial sources yesterday revealed that the blood test revelations had caused 'huge embarrassment' within the country's legal establishment.

A lawyer who has been involved in the case since 1997 said: "It is clearly a cause for concern that the alternative theories as to the cause of the accident have never been examined properly.

"Conclusions may have been based on false evidence, which is a scandal. People have been arguing this for years but have been ignored. Now it appears that we must rely on English investigators to make up for initial mistakes."

A spokesman for the criminal investigation department for the Paris police said: "We are providing all assistance to the British inquiry into Princess Diana's death."

Happy Sunday...
If you're still in bed...quotes to make you feel loving.
If you're up...quotes to make you glad you are!

1) Melanie Griffith
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.
2) Anonymous
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
3) Woody Allen
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
4) Woody Allen
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
5) Freud
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What... does a woman want?"
6) Samuel Johnson
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
7) Woody Allen
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.
8) Agatha Christie
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
9) Albert Einstein
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
10) Melanie Clark
You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories

My favourite, from the spoof film Airplane.
A little girl says to the stewardess serving coffee..
"I like my coffee how I like my men...strong and black!

How Mary Queen of Scots emerged from a £50 painting that was written off as a fake

Charlotte Higgins, arts correspondent
Thursday August 17, 2006

Guardian

A painting of Mary Queen of Scots, one of only two thought to have been made in her lifetime, has been discovered - in the National Portrait Gallery's very own store. The portrait was bought for £50 by the gallery in 1916 at Christie's. But later it was written off as an 18th century fake and was left to gather dust.

One day, however, Tarnya Cooper, curator of 16th-century collections at the gallery, decided to take a second look at the work, her instinct telling her it could just be original. The work was x-rayed. Beneath a layer of ugly yellow varnish and a dull, dark background lay an oval device framing the face, painted to look like marble, and the words Maria Scotiae (Mary of Scotland). The overpainting is thought to date from the 18th century.

Meanwhile dendrochronology, a technique whereby wood can be dated to within about 30 years based on an analysis of the grain, suggested that the panel on which the image was painted came from a tree felled between 1560 and 1592. Mary was beheaded at Fotheringhay in 1587, and Dr Cooper thinks that the work comes from the early part of the 32-year span indicated by the dendrochronology, which means it was probably painted while she was alive.

Further evidence was gleaned from paint analysis, which showed that the lettering of the inscription was done in lead-tin yellow, a pigment not used after the 16th century. A conservator worked for a year to gently remove the overpainting and return the work to its original state. It is a particularly exciting discovery given the existence of just one other portrait known to have been made in her lifetime. That shows her in mourning, probably after the death of her first father-in-law, Henri II of France. Known as the Deuil Blanc portrait, it belongs to the Royal Collection.

Most of the near-contemporary paintings of her date from after her death, during the reign of James I, when her status as mother of the legitimate monarch lent her credibility.

But during her lifetime she was wildly controversial, not only for her cousin Elizabeth I, to whom she presented an open, Catholic threat, but also in Scotland, from whose throne she was forced to abdicate in 1567.

Fleeing to England the following year, she was imprisoned by Elizabeth for the remaining 20 years of her life - and presented a legal, moral and political headache for the English.

It would have been unthinkable for an English household openly to display a portrait of Mary; but it could have been kept as a secret icon of resistance by English Catholics. "It is fascinating that this portrait was probably painted during the period of Mary's captivity," said Dr Cooper.

"It could have been an emblem for one of her supporters, or a commemoration, made just after her death, of her martyrdom."

Alternatively, it is just possible that the portrait was painted in France, perhaps as part of a large set of images of kings and queens of Europe, according to Dr Cooper. "It's beautifully painted," she said, "especially around the eyes. Since it has been cleaned up you can see that she has a very penetrating gaze. The costume and pearls are very competently done."

The techniques used to redate the painting have been used only for the past two or three years by the gallery. "As we do more of this there will be more surprises," said Dr Cooper. "We have a lot of paintings we could be looking at."

· The portrait goes on display today at the National Portrait Gallery, London, WC2

Life and death

· Mary Stuart was born in 1542.

· Henry VII was her great-grandfather, giving her a claim to English throne.

· She was crowned Queen of Scotland, miniature coronation robes and all, aged nine months.

· She married three times. First, to the Dauphin François of France, reigning as queen for 18 months. Second, to Lord Darnley, their child being James I of England. Third, after Darnley's assassination, to the Earl of Bothwell.

· The phrase "En ma Fin gît mon Commencement" ("In my end is my beginning") was embroidered on her cloth of estate during her imprisonment in England.

· Her execution came after she was tried for treason, having been implicated in the Catholic Babington plot and a scheme to assassinate Elizabeth.

· It took three blows of the axe to kill her. Under her black gown she wore a red bodice and petticoat - the Catholic colour of blood and of martyrdom.

A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?", he asked.
She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."
If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?"
"We use it for sex," she said.
The researcher was a little taken aback.
"Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?"
The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."

Daily Mail Comment

Crude and vulgar - but Prezza has a point

18th August 2006

For once that language-mangling grand master of gibberish, John Prescott, makes himself crystal clear; and for once he has a point. Inelegant though it may be to describe President Bush's Middle East policy as 'crap', it reflects the overwhelming weight of public opinion.

Though our deputy prime minister (who is, Heaven help us, nominally in charge of the country) denies that he uttered the offending word or sneered that the President is 'a cowboy', he can hardly be surprised if nobody believes him.

After all, in common with most Ministers and Labour MPs, he is deeply unhappy with Mr Blair's role as poodle to the Bush White House. Only last June he is said to have gushed to defeated Presidential candidate Al Gore 'I know you didn't win Al, and by God I can tell you I'm sorry about that'.

So reports of this latest indiscretion have the ring of truth. And what a glaring insight it provides into the way we are governed now.

In just five years, President Bush - abetted by Mr Blair - has squandered the worldwide outpouring of sympathy and support for America, following 9/ 11. Today, anti-Americanism is rampant and terrorism an ever more serious threat.

Even here, the latest polls suggest an unprecedented distrust of our closest ally. Though most people believe in fighting terror, 80 per cent want Britain to split from Mr Bush and either go it alone or work more closely with Europe.

The reasons couldn't be clearer.

The shambles in Iraq… the failure of America to pursue the 'road map' to peace in the Middle East… the ensuing anguish in Lebanon… the neglect that led to a resurgent Taliban in Afghanistan... in all this, Britain just dances to the tune of an incompetent White House.

Yet who calls Mr Blair to account? Parliament is in recess. The Cabinet is sidelined. Foreign Office experts are ignored. The Opposition is irrelevant. Public opinion is shrugged aside.

It is left to John Prescott, the court jester of British politics, to blurt out (in the crudest terms) what so many privately think of George Bush's policies.

But what does that say about a Prime Minister who so tamely toes the Bush line? And about a political establishment that lets him get away with it?

Beyond Parady

WHAT an eye-catching initiative it seemed, just three weeks ago, when the Home Office trumpeted a robust new approach to illegal migration.

Yes, as part of an ambitious action plan to 'inspire a culture of public service, passion and pride' in our shambolic immigration system, we were all encouraged to ring the Crimestoppers line and shop unscrupulous employers who profit from cheap illegal labour.

But now we discover what happens when anyone tries. Nothing. Zero. Zilch. According to a jaw-dropping probe by the BBC, the Immigration Service doesn't want to know. Tip-offs from the public tend to end up in the nearest bin.

And why? Officials are so busy trying to hit Tony Blair's target for deporting failed asylum seekers that they don't have time for other things. Employment agencies don't bother to report their suspicions, because it would be a waste of effort.

When New Labour has presided over such a huge increase in the public payroll - up 600,000 since 1997 - you might suppose the Immigration Service would have all the staff it needs. But no. Just 1,500 officials are left to cope as best they can - and of course are overwhelmed.

This Government long ago lost control of our borders and admits it has no idea how many illegals are living here. It doesn't even try to find out. And all it offers a worried public is self-serving spin.

You couldn't make it up... Daily Mail Comment

Losing our place in the top class

No talking or cheating. Your time starts now. At a school concert, 80 programmes were sold costing 35 pence each. How much money was raised by selling the programmes?

Elementary? Of course. But this is not a question set for 11-year-olds trying for a place in a secondary school. Incredibly, it comes from a final-year exam for trainee teachers on the brink of qualifying.

Yet the truly staggering fact is that nearly 20 per cent of the trainees who took this breathtakingly simple test in 2004-5 - many of them university graduates - failed it at their first attempt.

A few teachers confess to having failed their basic numeracy, literacy and computer tests more than 10 times before scraping through to be let loose on the country's classrooms.

Alas, those facts willcomeasnosurprise to parents used to school reports written in impenetrable jargon, riddled with spelling mistakes and misplaced apostrophes. Nor will they surprise the CBI, which warned this weekend that the appalling quality of school-leavers and graduates is threatening the economy.

But it is no use just railing against trainee teachers. They themselves belong to a generation that has been cruelly betrayed by a Government whose idea of reforming education has been to tell blatant lies about ever-improving standards.

This week, A-Level pass rates are expected to nudge 100 per cent, rising for the 24th year running. Does anyone, anywhere, actually believe that British education has been getting better for nearly a quarter of a century?

The tragedy is that so many of today's trainees, let down by their own teachers, look so likely to let down the next generation. That vicious circle must be broken - or else Britain will soon have to kiss goodbye to its centuries-old place in the top class of nations.

Too much hope?

More than 1,000 lie dead as the din of battle falls silent at last on the Israeli-Lebanese border. And all for what?

On the face of it, there were no winners in the 33 days of mayhem before yesterday's uneasy ceasefire.

For the Lebanese, much of the south of their country lies in ruins. And the threat of civil war grows stronger.

For the Israelis, Hezbollah remains a deadly threat. And the invasion has dragged down Israel's world reputation.

Losers, too, are George Bush and his lapdog, Tony Blair. It will be a long time before Arab states trust either of them, after their failure to restrain Israel until long after it was clear that this war would achieve nothing.

The biggest losers of all, of course, are the bereaved, mourning their dead. Is it too much to hope that their anguish will shock both sides into accepting the futility of further aggression, and the crying need for a lasting, peaceful settlement?

The tragic answer is probably: Yes.

Criminal neglect

Just two weeks from today, at the current conviction rate, there will be no vacant places left in Britain's jails. Not one.

From that moment on, all Home Secretary John Reid's tough talk about stiffer sentences will be exposed for what it is: pure fantasy.

Meanwhile, we will have to brace ourselves for the infuriating spectacle of yet more convicted criminals walking free.

Under the Home Office's own projections, we will need 100,000 prison places by the end of 2011. So how many is Mr Reid planning to provide by then, under his sluggish prison building programme? A hopelessly inadequate 88,000.

In the dying months of the Blair regime, has the Government given up all thought of Britain's future?

Daily Mail Comment
There may yet be hope for Cameron

You need only listen to Labour's howls of outrage to realise that David Cameron scored a direct hit with his attack on the Government's pitiful response to the threat from Islamic extremists.

One after another, Ministers have berated him for 'playing politics' with national security.

'David Cameron's remarks are almost beyond belief,' splutters the preposterous Prezza. 'At a time when we should all stand united in the face of alleged terrorist threats, he seeks to undermine that unity.'

But why shouldn't an Opposition leader speak out when he thinks the Government is making a Horlicks of protecting us?

Notice how Mr Prescott doesn't begin to answer Mr Cameron's specific charges: failure to implement the 12-point security plan announced after the London bombings last year; inexcusable delays in making intercept evidence admissible in court; failure to imprison or deport Muslim preachers of hate. Oh, and he also suggests the deputy PM is not up to his job.

Why doesn't Mr Prescott answer the charges? Because every one is true.

So one cheer, at least, for Mr Cameron. All this needed to be said.

We only wish we could extend the same whole hearted welcome to his new, updated mini-manifesto. But it is still too long on touchy-feely waffle, too short on detail.

True, there are the beginnings of some good policies in it: opposing the European constitution; abolishing unelected Regional Assemblies; ending the NHS targets culture; scrapping the Human Rights Act; reforming taxes - and possibly even cutting them; deregulating and decentralising; helping families and marriage.

Yes, yes and yes. But how?

We long to see more flesh put on these bones… and hope against hope there may be more to Mr Cameron than just a bicycling hoodie-hugger with nice manners.

Over the top

The stories of the 306 servicemen shot as cowards and deserters in the First World War make heart-rending reading.

Some, scarcely older than boys, were not cowards at all, but gravely ill with shell-shock after enduring unimaginable horrors in our country's service.

They richly deserve the pardons for which their relatives have so long campaigned.

But the brutal truth is that more than a few of the 306 were guilty as charged, before they paid the terrible price demanded by the laws and morality of the day.

We do not judge them, for which of us could swear that our own courage would have held up in the hell of the trenches?

But by pardoning all 306, innocent and guilty alike, isn't Defence Secretary Des Browne making a meaningless gesture? And isn't he devaluing the heroism of those who did find the courage to go over the top?

Out of control

Ever been tempted to import potatoes which you have reasonable cause to suspect may be Polish? Or to put rubbish out on the wrong day? Or to enter the hull of the Titanic without Government permission? Well, don't.

These are all criminal offences, outlawed by this Government in the course of a nine-year frenzy of legislation.

Incredibly, Labour has now put its 3,000th new offence on the statute book - one for almost every day it has been in power.

Meanwhile, violent crime soars - and the Home Secretary proposes to ease pressure on our jails by releasing thousands of prisoners early and allowing vandals, knife carriers and shoplifters to serve only five days of 30-day sentences.

Doesn't that tell you all you need to know about a control-freak Government that has totally lost control?