Mediterranean Living

There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he wanted to breed them, so he hired his neighbor's bull and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.
After a while the boy came into the living room where his father was talking with some friends. "Hey, Dad?" said the boy. "The bull just f*cked the brown cow."
The room went silent. The father excused himself and took his son outside.
"Son, you mustn't use language like that in front of company. You could say 'The bull surprised the brown cow'. Now go and watch and tell me when the bull surprises the white cow."
After a while the boy came in and said, "Hey, Dad?"
"Let me guess," said the father, "the bull surprised the white cow?"
"He sure did, Pop! He f*cked the brown cow again!"


So my dad was having "that" conversation with me when I was about 12 or 13. He said that if you masturbate you’ll go blind.
I said, "I’m over here, Dad..."


A teacher asks her class to use the word ‘contagious’ in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer. "Our next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious."


A Texan and his wife were on a trip to New York. She had just finished showering to dress for dinner and noticed that she had neglected to pack her bras. She asked her husband to go down to the dress shop in the lobby and pick up a couple of 36-C bras.
He said, "Ah'l go down raht now."
So he put on his ten gallon hat and went to the shop.
The saleslady said, "May I help you sir?"
When he told her that he wanted two 36-C bras, she asked, "Would you like two Playtex?"
He answered, "Ah'd luv ta little lady, but mah wife's a'waitin fer me up in the room."


A guy checks into a hotel in Vegas on a business trip and starts to feel a bit lonely so he decides to get a call girl. So he picks up the phone and calls the number he got from the cab driver.
"Hello?" the woman says.
"Hi, are you nasty? I want nasty. I want it hard and fast. I'm talking kink all night. You name it we'll do it. Bring equiptment, bring toys. You do me and I'll do you--all night. Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in anything. How does that sound?"
She says, "Sir? For an outside line you need to press 9."